DaveytheZeke

Wednesday night before the holidays P and I decided to check out a performance at the Music Academy. (FYI, we’re right in the midst of the music and dance season here in Chennai, which is not to be missed. Some youtube links to come in the coming days…)  About three quarters of the way through the show, my ear started feeling funny.  While I was tempted to chalk it up to the singer on stage and 2+ hours of Carnatic music, I had a hunch I might be in for something.

Fast forward 6 hours.

I’m in bed around 2 am with a sharp pain in my ear.  I start pecking away on the trusty blackberry googling ENT’s in the area.  I call a few in hopes of catching one open who’d have a quick peep in my ear and give me some antibiotics to kill the bug in my ear.  No such luck.

Fast forward 8 hours.

I saunter down our road en route to an ENT we pass daily.  I passed on the reference check with our friends who know the ENT scene in Chennai well figuring it’d be a quick look, diagnosis, and stop by the pharmacy on the way out.  Shocker, I was wrong.  Shortly after arriving, I got in to see the doctor who was of course amused that a good New Englander had settled in the heart Chennai.  After a peep into my ear he told me that I needed to go upstairs to have my ear cleaned and then come back to him. I found this a bit odd considering I’m pseudo obsessed with cleaning my ears.  But hey, why ask questions.

Following the doctor’s orders I march upstairs and waited in line for my cleaning.  Needless to say I was a bit nervous when I saw this…

When I’m finally called in, I head into the ‘Operation Theatre’, removing my shoes first of course, for my ear cleaning.  Upon entering I see a host of tools near the table, a scope, and a big TV screen.  Being the tough guy I am I ask the attendant if this is going to hurt.  She says no and barks at me to lay on the table.  I asked her what she was going to do and she snapped back, ‘I’m going to clean your ear”.  I acknowledged that I was well aware of this but wanted to know HOW she was going to do this.  She told me to lay down.

Noting that bedside manner was not this woman’s forte, I told her that if it hurt I was off the table.  She said tell me first, because if I got up the instrument would puncture my ear drum and she would not be responsible for it.  With those comforting words of wisdom she proceeded to power wash my ear drum with something that resembled a water sprayer at the dentist and then proceeded to suck the water out. Needless to say this was less than pleasant.  After two rounds of this and the excruciating pain that accompanied it, I told her I was off the table.  Showing some sense of humanity she told me that she was 80% done. I informed her that 80% was good enough for me and I’d simply see the doctor, get my ear drops, and head home. She was somehow baffled, but I was up and out.

Thankfully, the doctor showed mercy on me, confirmed I had a fungal ear infection (you mean he couldn’t tell me this before subjecting me to a modern form of torture?), and gave me the ear drops I needed.

Another day in the life of D in Chennai…